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Post by northernfarmer on Aug 19, 2020 21:30:41 GMT -6
A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money. The man started sobbing and said, βYou can take anything you want. You can kill me. But please untie the rope and free her.β
Thief: βYou must really love your wife!β
Man: βNo, but she will be home shortlyβ.
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Post by Beerwiser on Aug 20, 2020 19:52:19 GMT -6
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Post by kevlar on Aug 23, 2020 21:09:25 GMT -6
Not really a joke, but I found it quite funny. A friend stopped by, somehow got talking about a guy he knows and how he had never flown. Someone told the guy not to worry about being killed in a plane crash and no matter what you do, if it's your time, it's your time. The guy told him he has no problem dying if it's his time, but what if it's the pilots time?
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Post by meskie on Aug 23, 2020 21:19:07 GMT -6
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Post by meskie on Aug 26, 2020 14:36:48 GMT -6
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Post by kevlar on Aug 26, 2020 16:33:44 GMT -6
If itβs not a word, it should be. Describes 2020 very well.
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Post by Beerwiser on Aug 26, 2020 16:56:18 GMT -6
So if I use a 14mm wrench on a 9/16" bolt head and it only rounds the corners off, is that called a rounding error?
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Post by northernfarmer on Aug 31, 2020 20:28:00 GMT -6
WAYS TO TELL IF A REDNECK HAS BEEN USING YOUR COMPUTER
1. The monitor is up on blocks 2. Outgoing faxes have chewing tobacco stains on them 3. The two front keys have rotted out 4. The RAM slots have Ford truck parts that smell like they were just dipped in gasoline 5. The numeric keypad only goes up to six 6. The password is "Bubba" 7. There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU 8. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive 9. The keyboard is painted in camouflage 10. The mouse is referred to as the "critter"
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Post by northernfarmer on Aug 31, 2020 20:29:38 GMT -6
TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM BAD 80s MOVIES
1. Smart people wear thick glasses, button-down shirts, and slacks. Dumb people wear football uniforms. 2. Everyone in high school was having sex except you and the class valedictorian. 3. Your dog is way smarter than you. 4. France is populated entirely by attractive young women and Gerard Depardieu. 5. Parents always come back from vacation a day early. 6. It's only possible to win any sporting event in the last three seconds of the game. 7. The best way to escape your enemies is to drive on the wrong side of the road.
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Post by Beerwiser on Aug 31, 2020 22:54:39 GMT -6
Well crap, I know what I am doing with my old gun racks that are frowned upon by police!
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Post by Beerwiser on Sept 1, 2020 21:36:47 GMT -6
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Post by northernfarmer on Sept 1, 2020 21:56:32 GMT -6
This is a comedy video, not a music video in case there is confusion.
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Post by SWMan on Sept 1, 2020 22:48:11 GMT -6
Tim Hawkins is hilarious northernfarmer, this is one of my favorites of his:
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Post by northernfarmer on Sept 3, 2020 7:42:39 GMT -6
Youβve really gotta hand it to short people...
Because they usually canβt reach it for themselves.
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Post by northernfarmer on Sept 6, 2020 8:25:06 GMT -6
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